A group of convicts being transported through the desert when the van breaks down and the convicts escape, killing one guard and taking another female guard with them as hostage. As they wander through the desert, they come across an old indian guy who tells them about a gold treasure buried under a city not too far away. Greedy as they are, they head for the city in hope to get rich. Once there, they get a strange welcome from the town's weird sheriff and when darkness falls, everyone suddenly turns into blood-thirsty zombies/vampires. While fleeing from all the madness around them, the convicts soon stumble upon the treasure. But when getting ready to take all the gold and leave, the protectors of the treasure who are seven deadly mummies suddenly awakens.
Yikes, this movie was BAD. On the cover it said, and I quote: "The most frightening American movie in a decade" written by some clueless jerk at Ain't It Cool News. I seriously wonder how you could even make a statement like that, have the person who wrote that even seen the movie? It would be even more disturbing if that person would have seen the movie and actually thought that it was the most frightening American movie in a decade. Comments and quotes on movie covers are usually quite stupid, but this was just amazing. But let's forget about that for now and go on to see what made this movie turn out so bad.
At first I thought this movie could've been something since we get a lot of actors that has starred in other horror films before. First off we have Danny Trejo who always is kinda fun to watch, that is except here. He plays some old indian that tells and points the convicts towards the gold, and we also get to hear him laugh for about a minute, and that's a long time hearing someone laughing, especially when there's nothing to laugh about. Then we have Cerina Vincent from Cabin Fever who is the reason why this movie got 2 out of 10 instead of just 1. That is simply because she's very nice to look at (after all I am a man) and even though everything in this movie sucks, she's still a pretty good actress. At least she gets the job done without irritating the hell out of the viewer.
Next up is Matt Schulze who was in Blade 1-2, and he's not a likable character here, although he's not really bad either but a little to macho for his own good. Then we have Billy Wirth who was in Body Snatchers and he's also quite ok here, not very memorable though. Noel Gugliemi who has been in a lot of flicks, but horrorwise we saw him in Wrong Turn. His lingo is a bit annoying here, and the fact that he says what's up every five seconds is a bit irritating. Billy Drago stars as the town sheriff and is truly the most annoying character in the movie. He has been in the 2006 remake of The Hills Have Eyes and Blood Relic, a crappy slasher flick, among other thing. Ok, let's stop with the actors and what they've done.
So these convicts stumble upon this indian who tells them about a gold treasure that is buried under a town that was built over it. So they head for the town and it looks like something from the old west. They enter this bar/saloon and get hazzled by the local sheriff. Soon after when it's getting dark outside, everyone in the bar, except the convicts turn into zombies, vampires or I'm not sure what exactly, and attack the convicts. Since they are in this type of bar and are being attacked by these type of things, you can't help but to think of From Dusk Till Dawn, only that everything is of course a hell of a lot more poor here.
Most of the convicts manage to escape and from then on they run around in the town, hiding out and getting attacked every now and then. Later on they come across the gold and when they're just about to take it and leave, the mummies that guard the gold awakens from their coffins. Now this part of the movie is just beyond ridiculous. The mummies awaken and start to fight the convicts, but somehow the mummies seem to know kung fu, how to jump high in the air and all that stuff like in some Chinese fantasy movie.
The fight goes on for a while, and even though it might sound fun that the mummies use this type of fighting style, it just comes out looking absolutely ridiculous. First off they are in what looks like the old west with guns and stuff, and add to that some stupid looking mummies (that are wearing cowls) and that practise some Chinese type fighting style. Geeez... Add to that also that the last two remaining convicts seem to know some self-defense as well as they're blocking punches and blows, and it's all just a big mess.
Seven Mummies is truly a B-movie in every sense of the word, and while some B-movies are greatly entertaining and can be fun to watch, some are just awful and unfortunately this is one of those later ones. The acting is a bit of a mix, some people do a pretty good job with their characters while some are just wooden, over the top or just not very believable. The score is also a mix, and in the beginning of the movie we get to hear some awful rap songs, and later on we get treated to some awful nu-metal type songs. The score is of course an important part for adding a certain feel to the movie itself, and Seven Mummies manages to completely fail at having that. There are so many things in this movie that one could complain about, but what it all comes down to is that it's just a very bad flick.
Could of course been better but there are just to many things in this movie that makes it come out quite ridiculous. For a horror movie it isn't the least bit scary, actually there are no scares in it whatsoever. The mummies look cheap and stupid and the story has nothing interesting to it. It's very predictable and features some awful music. It's also a pretty short movie, only 76 minutes, but on the other hand maybe that's a good thing.
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ALTERNATIVE TITLE: Dead Evil
Treasure of the Seven Mummies
MOVIE YEAR: 2005
DIRECTOR: Nick Quested
WRITING CREDITS: Thadd Turner
GENRE: Horror, Adventure, Thriller, Action
CAST: Danny Trejo, Cerina Vincent, Matt Schulze
COUNTRY: USA
RUNTIME: 76 min
RATING: 2/10
Seven Mummies Website/IMDB Click here
Seven Mummies Trailer Click here
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