The psychopath Jonah murdered two little girl almost ten years ago and have been incarcerated in a mental institute ever since, but the freak manages to escape and returns to where he feels most at home; in an amusement park attraction called Dark Ride. Meanwhile, six s**theads go on a road trip and just so happens to stop by the park to go on the ride.
Right, where to start.. Dark Ride is so bad it's not even funny. In fact, it is a film that you've probably seen hundreds of times before; it's stalk and slash where stupid, incredibly stupid, teens meets a "gruesome" fate. Their only reason to live is to die and while it fills my heart with joy watching these f**ks die, Dark Ride does not cut it as a proper horror film. Thing is that the ride is not very dark, it's just extremely boring and you can't wait for it to be over. When the credits started to roll in the end, it felt like the movie had kept playing for ages, a neverending mess and add to that, speaking from a horror fan's point of view, it felt like you had been violated. Yes, it was that freakin’ bad.
Dark Ride was one of the "8 Films To Die For" that were shown at the After Dark Horrorfest, and how the film even got picked up from the beginning is beyond me. It takes an eternity before anything remotely interesting happens and during that time, the story delivers such an headache it feels like your head is going to explode any minute. The film could've easily lasted for hardly an hour instead of streaching it out to 90 horrific minutes, and like I said before, it's hell to sit through it.. well, that is if hell would be the most boring place on Earth.
 
The plot is retared and so are all the actors, and they will piss you off, over and over again until you can't take it anymore. I'm not gonna describe the actors or what type of characters they're trying to portray, let's just say that they're all douchebags and if I were to spend one minute in real life with any of these characters, I'm a 110 percent sure I would've been arrested for assult. That's about how likable they are and what kind of effect they have on you.
It may sound a bit harsh, but I believe Dark Ride to be a very bad excuse for a (horror) film. Sure, it may have the gore some of us are seeking and it may have one or two shitty thrills, but in the end that ain't worth nothing and the whole film is pretty much crap defined. A bunch of teens decide to spend the night in the "dark ride" in an amusement park, s**t happens and they are too dumb to be able to find their way out. The settings of Dark Ride is not bad though, only problem is that the filmmakers doesn't do anything proper with it as it could've been a lot more atmospheric and more suspenseful if done right. But the bad pacing, the drawn-out unnecessary scenes and the gut wrenching acting, not to mention the plot holes, are all major parts of the film that just drags it down way too much.
Maybe the film could be fun for some, but I can promise you it has nothing new to offer and I'm just sick to the bone of having to sit through these kind of crappy so-called horror films that really do nothing for you more than giving you one major headache. Believe me or not, but Dark Ride is so not worth the ride.
By
Back to Horror Review Archive
|
ALTERNATIVE TITLE:
MOVIE YEAR: 2006
DIRECTOR: Craig Singer
WRITING CREDITS: Robert Dean Klein, Craig Singer
GENRE: Horror, Thriller
CAST: Jamie-Lynn DiScala, Patrick Renna, Andrea Bogart
COUNTRY: USA
RUNTIME: 94 min
RATING: 1/10
Dark Ride Website/IMDB Click here
Dark Ride Trailer
|
